She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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