i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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