someone get that fucking seahorse.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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