Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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