Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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