I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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