we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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