I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
