There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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