i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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