I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
