the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
