Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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