FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
