I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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