I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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