Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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