He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
