Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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