Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize