The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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