Buhtt sex?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
