Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize