he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
