Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
