if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
