she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
