Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
