direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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