I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
