Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I forget how to act sober
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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