I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dick very happy bro
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
