Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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