So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
