Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
