direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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