you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
