He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
