im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
