oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
