I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
