Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
two words: eviction party
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
