So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
