She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im holly from the hills drunk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
