OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
