Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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