Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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