Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
