dude i'm inner monologue high
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
