dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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