i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't notice because vodka
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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