well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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