New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
