you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
