i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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