Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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