can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
