you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
