I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
