My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
