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Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
