y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
