I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
