Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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