girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
